Black or white, bad or good – it is not the only words that describe our life. But how often we forget about it and try to tag, pigeonhole and arrange to bad or good everything around us: emotions, behaviour, people, events. It is good or bad? Why do we limit ourself to these two states, why do not we pay attentions to other shades, other aspects of the surrounding world?
During our life it is naive to think that everything will be ideal, happy and sweet. We should accept the life in all its aspects. We should let us for anger, dissatisfaction, displeasure, discomfort – only after you accept that you have a right to all the spectrum of your emotions you will find the needs that are behind them. You have a chance to satisfy them, you will improve yourself. If you hide or suppress these “bad” emotions and just pretend everything is fine you never discover the reason of the emotion, and never find the need behind. So you close you own way to the happiness when you reject your feeling and emotions.
On the other side the emotions of children and other people, the cry and scream, often mean that they want you to listen to them.
Sad unpleasent emotions do not destroy us, on the contrary, when they are satisfied, when we feel support and care of other people, they teach us sensitivity, compassion and empathy. Unsatisfied ones commulate and negatively influence on our future life.
Our bad emotions should not be calm down. When we hear do not worry, do not cry, it means that other person does not accept them, not praise our behavior and feelings. All the emotions we feel are natural, when we calm down others, we unconsciously say: Your feel bad feelings, stop it. Instead of listen to others we try to make them behave as it is accepted and praised by the society.
Do not expect that you will do it ideally. Just think if your own shames and feeling of disgrace do not prevent you from listening and understanding others. First meet your needs that are behind your emotions and feeling and then it is possible to talk empatically with people