Egoism is never associated with positive feature, but definetly without egoistic approach and care about own needs it is impossible to be able to make good for yourself and others. There are two things I have tought a few years ago that help me live and enjoy my life.
The first one – Stop judgement. We never know feelings and reasons that are standing behind person’s action.
So it would be naive to think that other person will be able to discover properly why we act in this or that way. Others do not know our motivation and what seems to us obvious or natural could be strange for them. So less we can do is to satisfy our needs with respect to others, without violating their rights but also without care about their judgement and stop watching on others reactions.
We are not responsible on the other persons feelings, the person thoughts creates them. Others judgements talks not about us but about the needs of the person that tells them.
And the second one – What would your do there is always somebody that doesn’t like it.
This is closely connected from the first thought. We are not able to please everybody needs. Different people have different values, that changed saddenly depending on the person’s feeling at every moment. We are not able to predict the person reaction and we are not obligated to satisfy it. Everyone is responsible for own life, and we take response for our life. The most astonishing is that the same action could be good at one moment and bad in the others, and mostly it does not influence on the life of others but they just like to judge. It was said previously, but it is worth to repeat it one more time, the judgement of others describes their needs, not yours problems.
So stop living for others, start live for yourself and satisfy your needs first.
Only after your satisfy your own needs you are fullfilled and you are able to help others, it is like with the air mask in the crashing airplane. Please place the mask first and then assist your child or other passengers. First satisfy you needs then help others.
It is could be called egoistic by others, but it is a care about you needs. It means,that you protect your own border of comfort, you are assertive and are able to tell “No” when there is a attempt to violate them, you have a right to reject the request.
Only in this case we are able to be generous to us and others when our help is because of our desire not because we are obligated. Only in this case we are able to respect other life, values, decisions and cares about our ones. And only is this case our help is really valuable for both sides.
Let’s discover your needs first, satisfy them and then you will always find the time, desire and power to help satisfy needs of others.