It is easy to tell: “Be yourself!”, But what does it mean really?
Very often I have heard advice: be yourself, do what you want, listen to yourself because you are identical and unique and that’s why you should be yourself but not a copy to somebody else.
Good words, but the performance of this that I have met looked really bad in most situations. People often behave totally rude and offensive and cover it with the words that it is my temperament, character or circumstances. It seems that there are visible and propaganded two extremes: if you are shy, nice and obedient – that means that you are closed in the frames of social norms and you are not yourself, or as opposite if you are rude and offensive that means that you are not afraid to be yourself. But the world is not just black and white, bad and good. To be yourself means more than stop control yourself and do everything without thinking.So what does it mean to be yourself? Why we are not yourseves.
So what does it really mean to be yourself? There is a list below which helped me to discover it for me
1- Recognize and express your feelings without a fear.
Everyone feels happy and comfortable if there is a possibility to be yourself, to express own feelings and tell the words you want to tell and do not have a fear to be judged or assessed. It is a true, that maybe not all our thoughts are beautiful according to others norms. But it is not possible to understand your real needs that are behind your thoughts without understanding and expressing these emotions and thoughts.
It is a real gift if there are people for which you can be yourself, be naked and unarmed with your real feelings. It is the highest level of trust, because you do not afraid to be manipulated or that it will be put against you.
Be yourself! It is natural and beautiful to understand your own emotions and feelings. Stop to be afraid of them or ashamed. Only after you let them appear, you will understand yourself and will be open to be glad and happy and discover real yourself.
2-Show your emotions and feelings
We lives in a frames of a lot of norms and rules. The society teaches us that what is bad and what is good. And it says, that it is bad to show your bad emotion, because you shouldn’t behave like this. But it does not teach us how to fight with them. So we suppress them, we are ashamee of them instead of understand why do we feel it. Such a suppressed emotions finally results in stress and explode, that is more harmful at the end.
It is good to know that our emotions are controls by our thoughts and it is better for us to discover to how make our thoughts more positive to generate more positive emotions and just ignore (not suppress) negative surrounding, instead of letting others to manipulate our emotions and ourselves.
And after you will have a courage to show your all sides, all needs, you will find how to be better yourself and how to be more happy.
3-Discover your own needs
Often we do not know what does it mean to have your own feeling and needs. The cultural, religious and ethnical frames limited our life. From the same beginning we do not express our feelings because it wasn’t allow by social norms and the rules of behaviour. Our needs and feelings are like our muscles. If we do not use them they disappear or are very week. If we do not look for happiness we lost the way how to find it. We were taught to be like others not to differ from others. But we are all unique, we have same basic needs but different way to happiness.
Behind every our move there is some need, and it is good to know which one. Often behind and angry is a fear, behind a cry is a need to be listen, behind money the need of safety and so on.
Let’s to understand our own needs and realize them instead of thoughtlessly live the life controled by others
4 – Have a courage to be assertive and to care about your own needs
Learn how to cary about your own needs, your private time, your time to relax and for yourself. Learn how to say ‘No’, and remember that you are not oblige to satisfy everyone requests. Your needs are the most improtant. If your needs are not satisfied, if you do not have time to do what your want, you will have no time to enjoy your life but just help others to be happy. If somebody doesn’t take your refusal, it doesn’t mean that you are bad, but it means that the person don’t ask you but demand it. You have a right to your own time to your own dream and to decide about your own life.
5- Accept yourself, let you be imperfect
We look and behave in different way, there is no ideal people and no receipt for ideal behaviour. The things are not black and white. Accept your own look, as well as a look of people around. Accept your weakness and the fact that everyone has a right to make a mistake. The most important is to improve yourself, not to be ideal.
6- Improve and develope yourself
More I dig into my emotions, feelings and experience more I discover.
Not everything you discover make you happy, but there is no reason to worry. I discover why I behave in such a way, which need it meets and how it is possible to meet this need by a different way. We are not rigid, our brain is ready to create new connections and we are able to adopt a new behaviour that make us comfortable and do not hurt others.
It is not important to be better than someone else, but to be better than yesterday
The above list it not for onetime reading, I return to it from time to time to remember myself that live is changing, and we are changing too.