Latest I have discovered the most amazing thing about communication. How it is easy to have a dialogue with my son when I started to listen to him. Real listening and utter concentration on what he is telling makes wonders. I was trying to understand what he wants to tell and what needs are behind his words. But often it was unclear for me. Till the moment I understood that I hadn’t listened to him, but I was just concentrated on my own needs. After my discovery I can tell that children are very open to us, they communicate all they need, and all we should is just let them talk and listen to them. If you listen to him, the child will listen to you, but let a child talk first.
It is a big happiness for us if another person is open to our talk and you are satisfied after the talk. It seems obvious, that while we are communicating, we are listening to each other and then talk our stories. But it not the truth that we are really listening and understanding what another person wants to tell us. Sometimes we have some blockers in our head that distort the transfer and we do not hear the person’s words, but something another we have in our head.
If we want to have a good communication, to tell something, to convince somebody, first we should listen to another person, and it seems obvious. But often we are so Concentrated on our needs That we do not listen to others and do not try to understand them. As a result a message from the other person and his/her needs are blocked and communication is unsuccessful and useless.
How do we communicate with others depends on our experience in communication. You are happy if being a child you had a chance to express your feelings and adults really listened to you. If not, nothing lost, it is possible to form a good listening habits everytime.
So let’s start from the blockers that prevent us from being a good listener. Such communication blockers make our listening ineffective, and it leads us to misunderstanding, conflicts in future and problems with understanding of other people.
1- Be more patient.
Often you do not want to wait, and want the thing happen immediately. You think how it made the child for what you want, and do not want to think about the child needs. The child behavior is like a mirror of our own state, if we are in a hurry and do not listen to him, he is also excited and nervous, and is not open to our needs, do not listen you, and behave like you to : wants you to make things that are important to him. Just ask the child what he/she wants, really listen to it and find the solution together.
2- Be open to the other person’s message.
Do not listen with your own thoughts or anserwes in your head.You pretend to listen but could not wait to tell your own part. It is maybe worse thing, because you do not think about other person tell, you just think about your needs. Write down the things you want to tell if you are afraid to forget them, and listen to what the person tells.
3-Listen all the person tells.
It is natural for person to look for the confirmation of her own convictions and beliefs. It is the worst thing, when you listen but hear only the things that coincide with our own vision. You see the world in your own distorted mirror, and is closed to other people views.
So, to communicate effectively, you should listen first. You will see that when you listen to other it will be easy to talk to people and the conversations will be more successfull and fruitful.